


It gets better

by Cold Lightning (ArticNight)



Series: It gets better [1]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Cutting, Depression, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Happy Ending, Help, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One Shot, Protectiveness, Self-Harm, Triggers, kind of suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-07 23:57:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4282896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArticNight/pseuds/Cold%20Lightning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barry is struggling to cope with everything going on and he gets help from some of the least expected people.</p><p>Not a one shot anymore</p><p>Can be seen as pre-slash or just friendship</p>
            </blockquote>





	It gets better

Barry sat there staring at the knife in his hand. He knew he shouldn’t but he couldn’t stop. Each red line was a release. That’s what Iris didn’t understand when she had caught him that time. Barry wasn’t going to kill himself. He wasn't suicidal. He just… needed something stronger to help get rid of the other pain. The pain of knowing it was his fault his mother died, that his father ended up in jail, that Joe was already struggling with the passing of Iris’ mother but still took him in anyway, that Bett’s and Tony’s deaths were on his head too. He had let so many people down, including the meta humans that had escaped. If he hadn’t been so focused on the Reverse Flash, Dr. w- No Eobard Thawne then they wouldn’t have escaped with the want for vengeance clear in mind. Not to mention Hartley who had been, in a way, right about Well- _Eobard_ but had been basically ignored. And then Eddie when he had…

A heavy sigh passed Barry’s lips as he slid the warm metal (he had been at this for sometime now) of the blade against his skin. Watching the small droplets of scarlet bubble up from the skin the merge into a single line Barry could feel the skin beginning to pull back together. If his arm was raised instead of lying he would have been able to see the skin mending. As it were he just drew another line. There wouldn’t be a scar and the cuts would heal soon enough. The only evidence would be the face that he would end up eating more food nothing the excuse of jogging couldn’t handle. With each cut Barry felt himself relax more and more until he was slumped lazily against the wall of the run down building. He never did it at home anymore, not after the first time he was caught. This particular building was one that had been abandoned by everything but time. Those of the middle class thought it to be filled with disease and such while the poor, druggies, etcetera didn’t bother because of the out of the way location. The concrete wall was cool to the touch as Barry lent backwards, letting his eyes slip shut for a moment. He opened his eyes, staring at the blood stained knife. It looked so…simple. It was an object that people used everyday but could cause such harm if wielded. Barry lifted the knife up once more. This time instead of going horizontally he drew the blade vertically and a little deeper into the skin. Half way up his arm a loud gasp caused him to freeze. Looking up with his wide eyes, knife still dug into his skin, Barry met the wide fearful eyes of Lisa Snart. Her eyes glanced between the blade and Barry’s eyes. Barry must have missed something because suddenly she was rushing forward as she shouted,

“Len! Mick!” She yanked the knife away, letting it slid several feet away, and took her jacket to press to his arm. Everything was fuzzy in his head, like spinning around really really really fast then trying to walk through fog. It just got worse when Mick and Len burst into the room, guns ready. They took in the sight, and Barry felt awful. He could see the concern in Mick’s eyes as he joined Lisa on the ground. Len.. Len looked like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He blinked once before letting a mask of calm take over. Barry was shaking, more like vibrating. His stomach turned as a stab of pain went through him. Curling up and away from Lisa Barry dry heaved. Blinking away the spots in his eyes Barry’s vision cleared enough to see Lisa was now holding his face.

“Hey, hey, deep breaths okay?” She tried to keep her voice calm. Barry duly noted that Mick was now holding the jacket to his arm.

“Come on, foccus okay? Breath in,” Lisa took a deep breath in, “And out.” She breathed out.

“Come on, in...out...in...out.” She repeated it as Barry tried to follow her. A sharp intake of breath had him looking over. Mick and Len were both staring at his arm. Len’s eyes were widened a fraction and when Barry glanced down he could understand why. He wasn’t healing. No amount of deep breathing could keep him from blacking out.

~  
~  
When Barry opened his eyes neck he was staring at the ceiling. A little shifting let him know he was in a bed.

“You’re up.” Whipping his head to the side was a terrible idea. Mick Rory sat there watching him with a small frown. Before Barry could figure out what to say the man had left the room. It wasn’t too much longer before the Snarts were entering the room.

“I’m not suicidal.” Those were the first words to escape his chapped lips, voice a bit raspy.

“Could have fooled me.” scoffed Lisa.

“Have you been eating?” Len interrupted whatever else may have been said.

“Yes.”

“The amount you need to?”

“...yes?”

“Barry.” Len’s voice was low, a clear warning.

“You know the kid?” Mick questioned.

“Yes.”

“How?” Lisa was looking between the two of them, as if trying to figure out a puzzle. Suddenly Barry felt too exhausted. Closing his eyes he let out a sigh and came to a decision. He was just so tired. Maybe he was a little suicidal.

“I’m the Flash.” As if to prove his statement his hands began shaking, going faster and faster until it was a blur. A hand on his helped him gain control again. Lisa looked devastated.

“Why?”

“It’s a form of control and it helps me deviate from the unbearable pain. I heal fast so it hasn’t caused any problems.”

“Until you didn’t.” Len noted. Barry frowned at his bandaged arm.

“What’s happening?” It was Mick who asked.

“I don’t know. To be honest I don’t even understand half the things I can do.” Barry let out a bitter laugh, “The only person who does is a homicidal psychopath from the future.”

“The man in yellow.” Len noted, “The man you saw kill your mother.”

“The Reverse Flash. Eobard Thawne though everyone here knows him as Dr. Harrison Wells.” Barry informed darkly.

“The man in the wheelchair?” Mick asked, vaguely remembering.

“That is sick.” Lisa shook her head in disgust, “Acting like a friend, mentoring, helping, _caring_ and ugh. That’s a low even we don’t cross.” Barry looked at her questioningly.

“What? That is low. Seduction is one thing but pretending to c-”

“Actually. I think that is what made it worse. He said that he knew the rage that I felt. That he used to feel that rage every time he looked at me. That wouldn’t have been that bad but then he told me that he knows what Joe and my dad feel when they look at me with pride. With love.” Barry’s voice cracked on the last word.

“Please, _please_ tell me we can kill him if we ever see him, _please_.” Lisa begged.

“I’ve wondered what would happen if a speedster caught fire.” Mick mused, caressing his lighter. Barry didn’t point out that it was probably him the other imagined in the flames.

“No.” Barry spoke before Len could respond.

“What? Even aft-” Barry cut Lisa off.

“I need him to confess to killing my mom so I can clear my dad’s name and get him out of jail.”

“Why not just break him out?”

“Do you really think that thought hasn’t crossed my mind? I’ve had it planned out before I got my powers and now… it would be so easy to just run in there and get him out. But I can’t. For one my dad wouldn’t let me.”

“Then we’ll help you.” Len spoke up making them look to him in shock. Mick had that look in his eyes that had Barry shifting a little away and closer to Lisa. Hie eyes went back to Len.

“What’s the catch?” Because this _was_ Leonard Snart and there was always a catch.

“Simple, you stop self-harming.” That was not what Barry was expecting.

“What?”

“You stop cutting or whatever else you're doing. If you don’t think you can discus this with your family or even those little friends of yours then call one of us.” Len stated. Barry felt lost at that.

“We’re the last people to judge you.” Mick informed, “Bet there isn’t nothing you’ve thought we haven’t done.”

“Mick has a point. We really aren’t ones to judge.”

“Why?” Barry finally asked. The three of them shared a long look before Len finally moved. He pulled up the black sleeve of his turtle neck to show several scares, each perfectly symmetrical. Barry moved his gaze from the scars to meet Len’s eyes.

“It gets better.” The man stated as he rolled down his sleeve, “So do we have a deal?” Barry felt his eyes burning with unshed tears as he nodded.

“Good. Now are you well enough to get up?” Barry did a mental check before nodding again.

“Then you might want to head home, you’re phone's been blowing up with messages and calls.” Lisa informed as she handed him his cell, “Our numbers are in there already. Don’t hesitate to call.”

“Thank you.”

“No problem kid.” Lisa responded as she hugged him. Barry sent her a nasty look when he let go.

“We’re the same age.” Shock gave way to a pout.

“That is so not fair. You still look like a teenager.” a short laugh escaped Barry.

“Yeah because being carded is so much fun.”

“And that’s a bad thing?” Lisa smiled to him before pushing him a little, “Send my love to Cisco and say hi to Snow for me.” As he walked through the door he looked back once, giving a nervous smile before waving and speeding off. He felt relieved and happy. Stopping for something to eat helped to heal up the cut marks so that when he got home to the interrogation from not only Joe and Iris but Cisco, Caitlin and even Eddie there wasn’t even a scar. Patiently he dealt with the questions and worry, his hand resting on his phone that rested in his pocket. A small smile appeared on his face as he remembered seeing Len’s marks and the words the man spoke.

_”It gets better”_

**Author's Note:**

> I was upset when I wrote this. Emotionally, mentally or physically traumatizing my favorite characters usually makes me less sad or cry which doesn't happen much anymore.
> 
> Oh well. I don't regret writing this.


End file.
